I'm so lonely

I don't think I have ever needed to talk with somebody in my life as badly as I do now. But there is nobody to talk to.

He did apologize for the pie hole comment and cursing, after a fashion. But he offered a great deal of contempt for me at the same time. He has let some minor things fester. He said he wants out. I don't really believe that's 100% true. I think the pressure of trying to support his family and failing at it time and again has got him down. Holidays are hard because he has to see cousins and friends who are very successful, and of course they always ask, "So what are you doing now?"

It bites.

He is very obviously depressed and I'm just trying to give him space and coach the children in doing the same. They were perfect angels yesterday. They're having a harder time of it today, but that's to be expected. He did some stuff around the house yesterday and today, which was awesome. But he hasn't looked me in the eye and I haven't looked him in the eye, and who knows how long this will go on.

It hurts. I want to talk to him. I want this distance to go away. I want to be united with him again. It's horribly painful to be apart from him. I wonder if he realizes how hard this is for me, to stay away from him and give him space? Ordinarily, he'd know that. But maybe he's in too big of a funk to see it.