Why I work outside my home

That’s easy. I have a job outside my regular mom/wife/homekeeper role because I have to.

I seem to run into two kinds of people – those who think a woman is nothing unless she has a job outside the home, and those who think that a woman is nothing unless she stays home, raising the kids full-time.

Newsflash: women are not so easily divided between those two options.

Take me, for example. I was raised by a mom who stayed home with a bit of input from a dad who had a decent enough job to support a family of six solo. I was raised thinking that I would go to work and support myself. I didn’t think about whether or not I would work after I married and had children.

Back when I was 17, I picked a career that seemed to be right for my unique set of skills in a classic American industry. I got myself a full-ride scholarship for one year at an accredited university and jumped in, singularly focused. For my freshman, sophomore and junior years, I was named the outstanding student in my class and received partial scholarships.

During the summer between my sophomore and junior years, I got my first internship in my field. The next summer, I stepped up and got an even better internship. That company liked my work so much, they kept me on part-time as I completed my senior year of studies. I didn’t get any school awards that year, but I that was okay because by then, I was receiving awards from professional organizations.

After graduation, I was brought on full-time at the company I’d been working for, and that was that.

Sounds good, right?

I guess it was all right. Looking back, I wish I hadn’t been so foolish about it. I didn’t realize how heavily my chosen industry would be affected by recessions, for one thing. For another, I wish I would have considered the fact that my job is for young people. Eventually, you age out. When I was 21, however, and had the world by the tail, I rarely considered things in the long term.

I worked for a long time. Got laid off, made do, and then worked again. Twice, I walked away from this profession because I was fed up. Twice, I came back into it.

At this point in my life, I should be getting out of this work. I’ve been in the “aging out” phase of this career since I was 40. I’m lucky to have a job at all, with this particularly strenuous recession we’re going through right now. And frankly, I want to get out.

But I can’t. I have to work because my husband cannot support our family right now. I’m not sure if he ever will be able to.

You’re going to have to trust me on the “whys” behind that one. Maybe I’ll get to it later.

Now, a lot of stay-at-home mothers like to chide me, maintaining that “I could stay home if I wanted to.” They would suggest giving up vacations (we’ve had one in the last 10 years, and that was going to see my parents, who paid for our hotel room). They would suggest giving up restaurants and fast food (98% of our meals come from home. The kids don’t even get hot lunch at school very often because I can make a nutritious meal for less money at home).

They would suggest cutting back on my hair and make up expenses (I get my hair cut once a year, don’t dye it or perm it, and I never wear any make-up at all). They would suggest my professional wardrobe is a money pit (all my clothing and all my kids’ clothing comes from thrift stores).

I say to them, “Thanks, but you aren’t living my life.”

I’ve heard all the ways to save on running a household, and I’ve implemented them. The kids and I raise a lot of our own food in the garden. We shop sales for groceries. We buy used everything, and we accept cast-offs from our friends. The only piece of furniture we’ve ever purchased new is the bunk beds + trundle set that we got for the kids. My husband and I sleep on a mattress that is 15 years old. We don’t go out on “date nights.” We’re lucky if we rent a movie twice a month.

Our 3-bedroom house is modest and we have a killer 3.9% interest rate that makes it equal to renting a 3-bedroom apartment, but this way we get the equity. The mini-van is paid for. I use Freecycle. We only use our sole credit card for emergencies.

Frankly, it’s a lot of work to live this way, but I don’t mind. I’ve gotten so many great things that have been cast off by others but suit us perfectly, I can hardly pay full price for anything. My last pair of jeans cost $2 at a thrift store – I can’t bring myself to pay a sale price of $35 for new jeans, let alone $45 for full-price. I can get a box of cereal for $2 so consistently, I shudder at the thought of paying $3.89 (or more) for Cheerios.

Despite all this cutting back and frugal living, we couldn’t make it on my husband’s income. And so I work. Even though I’m underpaid, I make double what he does. Not working would be irresponsible. My family needs me to work.